


I Need You

by Deathwish_Nine



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Coma, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, Reader-Insert, Shiganshina District, Smut, Titan Eren Yeager, Titans, comatose reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-23 14:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deathwish_Nine/pseuds/Deathwish_Nine
Summary: A close call with death and a Titan leaves you in coma. Levi Ackerman holds out hope that you'll wake up and that time will once again start when you open your eyes.





	1. Heart of Flame

**Author's Note:**

> So I've wanted to write this for a very long time and I didn't exactly know how go about it. It's pretty much told from Levi's perspective instead of Reader's. Also, Hange will have female pronouns and such since it's the same in the anime and her name will be spelled Hanji instead, sorry I'm used to it hearing her name pronounced that way. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy! Not sure how often I'll update this, but rest assured more chapters will follow this one!

Levi sat in the darkness of the room with his head low as he hunched over in his seat. The light of the moon shined in through the window, illuminating the large space with enough light for him to see. The sound of his voice, low and muttered, had hardened with each day that he had sat in the same chair. Every minute of every hour had tugged at his heart strings. 

He had known pain; losing the people that he loved and cared for. Isabel and Farlan came to mind as he brushed a hand through his hair. It was a reality in the Survey Corps, but this - being lost in the balance of life and death was far more painful, more so for him than it was for you.

Levi's hand would tighten painfully around your own and yet you remained still, asleep with your eyes closed. You had been this way for months, enclosed in a private room deep within HQ. 

His eyes briefly landed on the fresh flower Hanji had no doubt placed on the nightstand within a delicate clear case. The white color of its petals stood out against the darkness of the room causing it appear as if it were glowing in the night. 

A heavy breath escaped his lips as he released his death grip on your hand. His fingers brushed against your knuckles and he wondered if you could feel his touch or hear his voice within the deep recesses of your mind. His eyes landed on the red braided cord tied around his wrist. 

"Humanity needs you in this fight, (Name)," he said as his eyes focused on the peaceful look that held your features. "You need to get your lazy ass up." 

He wished that you could have responded; a simple twitch of the brow or a light squeeze of his hand would suffice, but you remained still. Only the light fall and rise of your chest was evidence that you were alive. 

Nearly two months had gone by and still you had yet to open your eyes. A defeated sigh passed his lips as he leaned back into his chair with his hand still holding your own and his mind drifted back in time to the moment you had met. 

He remembered it as if it had happened yesterday. You were a new addition to the Survey Corps, ranked within the top ten and you had somehow gotten along well with Hanji. Within a matter of days you had become her assistant, helping her with her research and the loads of paperwork that had piled up on the researchers desk. 

You were unnervingly quiet with a hollowness in your gaze. You had bumped into him unintentionally, you remained silent and with wide eyes you stared up at him, clutching the stack of papers to your chest. 

His dull blue eyes landed on you; despite his short stature he was still a couple of inches taller than you. Levi snatched the files from you and you jumped as your brow furrowed in confusion. He offered you a glance before his attention shifted to the once neatly stacked papers. He flipped through them haphazardly until his narrowed eyes landed on you. 

"(Name) right? You graduated from the top ten and your doing shitty paperwork for four-eyes." Levi said with a single raised brow. 

You held his gaze and licked your lips. "Hanji-san is my friend. I don't mind it-" 

Levi tapped the papers to your chest and you held onto it as your eyes lit with a slight wonder. "She has thick head; just don't let her rope you into dragging a Titan back here." 

"I don't mind the paperwork; it keeps me occupied - if you need help too Heichō?" You muttered the words slightly unsure of yourself. 

A silence filled the hall and he regarded you for a moment. He could see the tenseness of your jaw and rigidness of your fingers as you held the stack of papers. Your words even replayed in his mind - it keeps you occupied - a distraction to keep you from thinking of other things. 

"If anything comes up - I'll find you." He said. 

The slightest touch of a smile caught your lips and you nodded your head as you continued on your way. Levi fell into step beside you and a surprise look caught your eyes before the dullness once again appeared. His eyes landed on the tiny red thread that held your hair up and away from your face before his gaze shifted away uninterested.

"You have business with Hanji-san as well?" 

He hummed in response and approached a door at the end of the hall with a soft knock before entering, you followed in after him, shutting the door behind you. 

Hanji smiled as you offered her the stack of papers and Levi moved to sit in a chair by the window with his legs crossed. 

"I see you've brought company." She said as she turned to Levi. 

He glanced at her uninterestedly and folded his arms. "Stop putting your work on other people." He chided. 

An feigned offended gasp passed her lips. "I would never; (Name) volunteered!" 

He scoffed. "You're endangering the well-being of my soldiers. The expedition is tomorrow she should be resting instead of doing your shitty paperwork." 

"Beyond the wall?" You asked. 

Your mind had been focused on the expedition. You were leaving the safety of the walls to fight Titans? A nervousness filled you and your brow furrowed as a torrent of emotions assaulted your heart. All of the people you had gotten close to in training had joined the Military Police leaving you as the only recruit to join the Survey Corps. 

"It'll be exiting!" Hanji exclaimed as a light of passion filled her eyes. "We can capture a Titan and bring it back for research!" 

A sigh escaped Levi's lips as he pressed a hand to his head to massage his temple. 

Hanji grabbed you by the shoulders, shaking you. "It'll be great (Name)! We can do it together; we don't need Levi's help - Oi, what's wrong?" She asked. 

Levi's gaze landed on you and he could see the burning look of rage that had taken over your features as you offered a slight shake of your head. "No," you muttered. "If anything I'll kill them all." You said venomously. 

"Ah I forgot, you're from Shiganshina." Hanji said followed with an apology. 

Her excitement died down as she returned to her desk to organize her papers. Levi turned to you then with a new found curiosity in his eyes. "So you've seen a Titan?" 

You shook your head. "I was in the Training Corps when the district fell." You muttered. 

"Well don't shit yourself when you see one." You turned to offer him a glare and the hollowness he had seen in your eyes earlier had been replaced by the fires of a flame. 

He had seen the flicker of hope that Survey Corps had ignited within your heart. They had given you a new home, a new family and a new purpose to live. You had blossomed before them all and Levi found himself lucky enough to be a part of it; a part of your life.


	2. String of Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness it's been a long time since this was updated. Here's another chapter, I hope you all enjoy.

_His dull grey eyes focused on the paperwork in front of him, a frown set on his lips. A soft knock sounded on his door and his eyes narrowed as it slowly opened. You slipped into the room a light smile on your lips despite the intimidating look in his eyes._

_Levi offered you one final glance before turning his attention away from you. He needed to focus. The pile of paperwork on his desk wasn't going to disappear on its own._

_His gaze didn't shift when the cup of tea was placed before him. He expected it like clock work. You never failed to bring him a cup of perfectly warmed tea every afternoon. Unsweetened and without any milk - just the way he liked it._

_Levi lifted the cup and he hesitated, gaze shifting to the delicate China in his hand. It was different, smoother in his grasp. The fine attention to detail of the blue design around the rim caused his attention to shift to you. And you smiled._

_"I thought I'd get you something nice - there's nothing you like more than tea right?"_

_"The other one was perfectly fine. Don't waste your money next time." He grumbled out the words before taking a sip._

_You sank into the chair by the window and stared out from behind the glass. He focused on you, from the light smile on your lips to the softness of your eyes. And he just stared, attention solely on you._

_Hanji was right. You were happier. Levi could see what she meant by just staring at you. The darkness that lingered in your gaze was gone, replaced by a warmth. Still there were traces of the underlying anger beneath it all._

_"Still I wanted to - besides you always get me flowers."_

_He could hear the smile in your voice, light hearted and airy. His attention drawn to you, he could feel the warm flutter within his chest - an affirmation of his affections for you._

_"I never said I bought them." Levi said._

_A laugh bubbled past your lips as you turned to face him._

_It was as if he was seeing you for the first and last time. The light of the sun illuminated your skin in a soft glow, enhancing the smoothness and gentleness of your features. And he could care less that you distracted him._

_Your presence always basked him in a serene calm, despite the accelerated beat of his heart. A touch of affection hid beneath the dull grey of his eyes. Only with you would such emotions become apparent across his features._

_He struggled to express his emotions verbally - never fully able to say those three special words. And not once had you gotten upset with him, you could see it in his actions and that much you understood. Levi was grateful that you weren't forceful, that you'd wait for him to say it one day._

_And he wanted to say those words now, but an ache built in his chest - pain. He couldn't. The thought of expressing himself fully, making himself feel vulnerable - he just couldn't. Levi commended you for having such courage, all the while cursing you into oblivion._

_It'd only make you weaker, him too. The smallest mistake could cost you your life and his as well. It was the very reason you refused to join his squad. Still he wanted to keep an eye on you and the bright red braided cord that decorated your hair helped him. He was able to spot you easily on an expedition._

_Levi sipped at his tea, eyes heavy with annoyance. The soft knock on the door had caused you both to look away from each other and the tenderness of the moment vanished._

_A soldier stepped into the room with a sloppy salute, a nervous bead of sweat touched the man's brow. Levi couldn't remember the blonde haired man's name nor did he care in the moment._

_"Who taught you that shit salute." Levi said with a scoff._

_Intimidating as he was you never felt pressure by Levi and you struggled to keep your composure, thin lipped and eyes wandering. The soldier bristled at Levi's words - this guy was new around here._

_"C-commander Erwin requests your presence (N-name)!"_

_You pointed a finger at yourself in wonder, eyes wide. Rarely did you ever get summoned to Erwin's office and Levi couldn't help but wonder why._

_"Leave." Levi grumbled the words out and the door near instantly slammed shut._

_"You don't think it's-"_

_He scoffed. "If Erwin has a problem he can shove it."_

_It was only recently that Levi had been open in public about your relationship. All because he was jealous, but he would never admit to having such feelings. He snatched your hand in front of everyone like a child and walked with you as a couple would. That instance had caused his rebellious streak to come forth - he'd deal with whatever consequences came his way._

_Worry creased your brow as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "Before I leave," your words came out in a soft mumble as you approached him, finger fumbling with your hair._

_You untied the braided cord allowing your hair to fall loose, a small smile on your lips. Levi watched you in silence as you tied it around his wrist. He pressed his lips together, eyes shifted down towards the cord._

_"There, now I won't have to worry about you being safe. Mom always said they bring good luck." You said with a warm smile._

_Grey eyes met yours, dark and dull. "You actually believe that shit."_

_A frown tugged at your lips. "At least it's something in this cruel dark world."_

_He scoffed. "Something like this won't keep anyone from dying."_

_"It might not but it's the thought that counts right." You retorted hotly before marching out of his office._

He snapped himself back to reality, brow creased in pain. A heavy sigh passed Levi's lips as he brought the cup of tea in his hands to his lips. He paused, eyes focused on the red cord tied around his wrist. He remembered clearly in his mind, from the smile on your face that day to the annoyed look in your eyes before you left. 

He placed the cup back down onto his desk, grey eyes wandering to the window you had sat by that day. And Levi could picture you seated in the same chair with a smile on your lips. You lingered there, eyes focused beyond the glass and into the darkness of the night - an illusion in his mind. He wished you were there, perfectly healthy, beside him as you had always been. 

He could feel all sorts of emotions within his heart, a combination - conflicting feelings of annoyance and the overwhelming pressure of pain and sadness. A call of his name and he turned in a daze. He had heard you call to him, the softness of your voice pulled him from his thoughts. 

Instead Hanji stood in the doorway, concern evident in her brown eyes. Levi's brow knit in disappointment and a grumble escaped him. 

"You haven't eaten all day. Erwin-" 

"You and Erwin can mind your own business." 

Levi didn't have an appetite - he hadn't even realized that he should have been hungry. He spent most of his days like this and the others were simply looking out for him, even his own squad. 

The red haired researcher stepped into the room, a warm baked potato rested on a plate in her hands. The aroma itself did nothing for him. He just wasn't hungry. 

"Eat it. She wouldn't want to see you like this." Hanji said as she placed the plate down onto his desk. 

And he glared, anger flared in his chest. "No one would know what she'd want - she's not even here." 

Hanji stared at him in silence, eyes slightly wide. His sudden outburst had affected her too. It wasn't as if he were speaking to a stranger, especially when it concerned you. Hanji was your best friend.

A breath passed his lips as he calmed himself, eyes drifting back to the chair by the window. Then his eyes settled on the potato before him, two potatoes to be exact. 

"I know this isn't easy - even for you," Hanji muttered. "I might have stolen one." She added, gesturing to the plate before him. 

Levi shook his head slightly as he lifted the potato to his mouth. The first bite hadn't really caused him to feel much of change, but as he forced himself to eat he noticed the change. A warmth filled his stomach and he realized for the first time just how hungry he had actually been. 

Hanji took a seat beside him, crossed her legs and purses her lips. "The physician also mentioned that you refused to speak to him." 

Levi remained silent, eyes focused on her, dull and uninterested. He ate away his potato, waiting for his friend to continue. 

"(Name) is doing really well - her progress is slow but good." Hanji continued. "We still don't know when she'll awake up." 

Levi scoffed. His appetite was vanishing once again still he forced himself to take another bite. His health mattered too. He couldn't be selfish no matter how much he wanted to be - to just wallow in his own misery - other people depended on him, his soldiers relied on him as a leader. 

" _If_ she wakes up." Levi corrected bitterly. 

An intense anger filled him, eyes darkening. It was the kind of rage he exhibited on the battlefield. His fingers tightened on the tea cup he now held in his hand.

Hanji's brow furrowed as worry and sadness filled her eyes, a pain she felt for both of her friends - her family. And Hanji spoke to lighten the mood: 

"She saved her comrades, that counts for something." 

"At the cost of her life." Levi grumbled and his cold gaze landed on Hanji. "A useless kid, a coward that abandoned her and two dead comrades. I could have done more." 

A huff of annoyance left the brown haired woman and she folded her arms. "That's the exact reason she didn't join the Special Operations Squad." 

Levi's eyes widened slightly at her words. His body froze and he stared at Hanji as she continued. 

"She never told you... (Name) refused because she knew you'd put her before everyone else - said she'd get in the way." 

Levi couldn't believe the words that left Hanji's lips. The day that you were called to see Erwin was the same day you had refused placement in his squad. Erwin had never shared the details with him, he just simply believed that Erwin's final decision would supersede your own. Erwin had agreed with you. 

"(Name) is your weakness Levi. She didn't want to put in that sort of position, between her and your squad." Hanji finished as she pressed her lips together firmly. 

Levi was in utter disbelief. Everyone was right, you would have caused him to question his judgement. In a life or death situation he would have hands down chosen you without a doubt. And he hadn't thought of it that way. He just wanted to keep you close, ensure your safety. 

"That doesn't change anything - my team could have done better." 

A growl of annoyance escaped Hanji. "You don't know that. It's in the past just let it stay there and hope for her recovery." She said with finality as she rose from her seat. 

"And get some rest," were the last words she uttered before slamming the door sit behind her. 

Finally, he pressed the delicate cup to his lips and he flinched. Levi pulled back at the light sting that burned the corner of his mouth. He rubbed at the area gently and drew his fingers back to see blood. 

There was chip at the lip of the cup accompanied by a hairline crack that ran to the bottom. He closed his eyes, shifted the cup in his grasp and took a sip. It was the same cup you'd gifted him months before. 

And he refused to part with it even if it was reduced to shattered pieces.


	3. Paradise

Time had gone by and Levi sat at your bedside again. How much exactly? Well he couldn’t think on it. He felt as though you’d been this way for forever. 

He held your hand gently in his, softly rubbing a damp towel against the back of your hand. His thoughts were in the past as they always were. Levi's dark eyes traveled over your face and he pressed his lips together firmly, brow furrowed. 

"What are thinking in that stupid head of yours?" He asked. 

Despite the harshness of his words, his tone was gentle, smooth. 

"Remember that day you promised you'd fight for humanity until the day you died. Well you're not dead yet, (Name)." He continued. 

Levi remembered that day. A day unlike any other. It was the first time you had expressed your feelings to him and it had come out so casually, so firm that it had taken him by surprise. Over training no less. 

Sweat trickled down the side of your face, dripping onto the floor beneath you. You continued to push yourself more and more. It was the exact reason Levi was your training partner, no one else wanted to keep up with you. But now you were trying to keep up with him. 

He had mentioned the Ackerman bloodline was special and it was the reason he could do things he could. He assured you, you were one of the top soldiers in the Survey Corps and that your determination alone was commendable. 

You struggled with the push-up, having lost count long ago. Heavy breaths escaped you as you finally managed to roll on your back after you completed it. A relived sigh rolled past your lips and a towel hit you in the face. 

Arms stretched out, you breathed deeply. “I’ve been thinking.” You said as pulled the white towel aside. 

He didn’t meet your gaze as he continued with his routine, determination set in his brow. 

Your voice touched him, steady and smooth. It was always refreshing to hear you speak and now more than ever he wished he could hear your voice again just like back then. 

“We never established our relationship.” 

There was nothing that needed to be said, you’d told him that yourself. You weren’t even friends when you’d slept with the Captain. A fire had ignited between you, consuming you both. You could barely get enough of him and him of you. So you and Levi had acted on primal instinct. He knew you intimately and you figured why not go further with it. He cared for you, you cared for him. It was only natural that you’d want the label of being his girlfriend, though it didn’t matter at the end. All you really wanted him to know was how much you cared. 

“I’ll fight by your side until the day I die.” Your words were so soft, a near whisper as cool as the afternoon breeze. 

His steely eyes met yours and he rose to his full height, staring down at you. His gaze was cold, face emotionless. 

“Where else would you be.” He said with a scoff. 

Levi turned from you and he reached into his bag on the table, pulling a canteen of water free. He took a generous gulp and he moved to face you, but he’d heard you coming and instead he remained still. You latched onto his back, legs wrapped around his waist as you buried your face into his neck. 

A softness touched his eyes and a subtle smile touched his lips. “And I’ll fight harder.” He added. 

His words pulled a soft laughter from you like music to his ears as you clung tighter to him.

The memory faded, your laughter and smile along with it as he was pulled back to the present. 

His hands stopped, the towel still damp against the flesh of your arms. He placed it aside, moving the bowl of water from his lap to the nightstand. Instead he brought your fingers to lips and pressed a chaste kiss against them. 

Levi placed your hand at your side as he rose from his seat. He could feel the sting of tears, the tightness of his chest and the slight tremble of his fingers. He couldn’t be at your side, for now at least. He could not crumble again, the helplessness was eating him alive. So he marched out the room slamming the door shut behind him. 

And you... 

Well your mind had concocted a paradise for you - a dream - tucked you away to shield you from harm. It was in the deepest recesses of your mind, a place where you were at peace. You were happy with Levi at your side. There was no need for you to go anywhere. Not even outside the door of the small tea shop he owned. 

He sat across from you, teacup in hand and you stared at him, a smile upon your lips. Life was easy here. The lack of customers hadn’t dawned on you nor how you’d gotten to this place to begin with. All that really mattered was that you were with him, living the dream you had both wanted. 

His cup of tea finished and you moved to refill it. The smile on your lips faltered slightly. His wrist was bare, missing the red braided cord you’d gifted him. And he raised a brow. 

“Something wrong?” 

“It’s nothing,” you said as you brushed a hand through your hair in thought. And to your surprise that’s where it was but it hadn’t been the last place you’d seen it and a frown pulled at your lips. You couldn’t remember where it was supposed to be. 

“How easy it is for dreams to come true. After so long you got the tea shop you wanted.” You continued with a smile as you moved to sit across from him. 

In reality, you were stuck in bed. Alone. Vulnerable to the world around you and continuing to grow weaker as Levi tried to continue on supporting you and himself. The Captain had made his way to the dining hall, stomach grumbling loudly, obscenely.

He sat beside Hanji and Erwin for lunch. It had taken him a lot more strength than he expected to sit beside them. He had grown accustomed to locking himself within his office or his room, away from prying eyes. 

He could feel it - the side long glances and the hushed whispers from the other soldiers. And his brow furrowed deep in annoyance. 

A hum escaped Hanji's lips. "See they're glad your back." 

Levi remained silent and took a bite out of his potato. He could care less. His thoughts were focused elsewhere. He focused on Erwin. The commander's speech on the upcoming expedition gave him something to worry about, as long as it wasn't you. He could put his mind to something good. His men needed him; that was his priority. Levi could return his attention to you later - as morbid as it was, you weren't going anywhere. 

The blond haired man offered Levi a smile. "Out of bed I see." 

Levi crossed his arms and legs, a scoff escaped him. The potato he had been eating was left half finished on the plate before him. Erwin's blue eyes glanced down towards the food before his attention shifted, face tense. 

"And still not eating enough!" Hanji said as she slammed her hands down onto the table. 

He became distracted again. This time his eyes followed the movements of a blonde haired woman across the room. Hers was a face he could never forget, not with the massive scar along her cheek. Cato was her name. Her brown colored eyes would never meet his out of guilt or shame it mattered little to him. 

All Levi could remember was the torment she had caused you. Her behavior wasn’t fitting of the Survey Corps and in a blind you rage you’d put her in her place. You hadn’t been the one to scar her, but if it hadn’t been for Hanji and himself ripping you from her, she would have been worse than before. 

And it all happened because of that silly bear you carried around. It was a cute thing, but he’d never admit that. He had on occasion seen you in out of your room with it tucked beneath your arm like a child. All he knew was that he’d wanted to snatch it from you and bleach the stains out of it and into oblivion. Levi hadn’t known how attached you were to the tan colored teddy until he had asked Hanji. 

It was your brother’s she said. It was all that was left of him after Wall Maria fell. You hadn’t found him nor your parents, just the bear covered in speckles of blood. 

And Cato well she was your roommate. She always poked fun at you, the quiet soldier that followed orders to the ‘T’, kissing ass as she claimed. But you worked hard, trained harder than any of them and you were a force to be reckoned with. You never engaged her when she teased you not until she had stolen Mymy as you called him. 

You were stunned, when you’d seen all of his stuffing falling out of him. Left arm hanging limp and his head pulled completely pulled off. All you could think of was your brother, your sweet baby brother that had died right before you. 

And your eyes darkened when the toy landed at your feet. Everyone in the room laughed and you shook with rage, an anger that burned bright red. 

You were on her in an instance, swinging your fists down on her. She had hit back, but you hadn’t felt it. Cote had screamed, cried for you to stop and the others were too frightened or stunned to do anything. Hanji had been the first to rush in upon hearing the commotion. Her arms tried to grab for yours, but you’d wiggled our from her grasp and shoved a hand into her face, pushing her back. 

Someone tried to pull Cote out from beneath just as a second pair of arms, much stronger than Hanji wrapped around you. You were lifted and still fighting against your captor as you were pulled into another room. 

You were tossed like a doll, but you still kept your footing as you stumbled. Hands clenched, you turned on the person - the Captain as he closed the door shut. And you were on him as well in a heartbeat. He caught your outstretched hand inches from his face. 

“Out of my way Levi,” your words were hissed as you heaved, out of breath. You struggled against him and his grip only tightened. 

The anger in his eyes, the darkness in them was as intense as your own. He stared you down, firm and his cold gaze never left yours. How dare you of all people try to hit him, when he was only trying to help.

You lashed out at him again without warning and he easily moved, ramming into you, hand flying into your hair. He tugged hard as you both fell to the ground. You cried out in discomfort as he landed on you and you shifted, legs wrapping around his waist, locking behind him at your ankles. And you held him tight as he managed to pin both of your arms. 

“Calm down, have you lost all sense? You really do have the brain the size of a pea. Fucking idiot.” 

“Bite me!” You snapped back angrily. 

And that day Levi had sat on you for over an hour until you had calmed. Commander Erwin had punished both you and Cote for your actions but hers wasn’t as bad as yours. She had a restriction on food and water for 3 days. You on the other hand well you had attacked Cote and assaulted a commanding officer - Hanji. Levi hadn’t opened his mouth that you had tried to move on him too. It would only make matters worse. 

You had been moved to a new room and confined to it for 15 days without allowances and no food for 3 days. 

Levi had visited you and you well you were still angry with him. He was as equally angry with you. He remembered how the heat had grown between you, running wild. And the sex? Well he hadn’t held back, he was rough with you and you egged him on, urging him to continue. 

He cleared his throat as he pulled himself back to the present again. Now was not the time to think of you in such a position -hand in your hair, ravaging you from behind. 

“Oh Mikkal!” Hanji’s voice called in excitement. 

Levi’s attention shifted, eyes narrowing like a hawk. His gaze landed on a meek young man with light brown hair. He bristled at the sudden attention, especially considering he had caught Levi’s eye. 

“H-Hanji! Commander! Captain!” He exclaimed, the blue eyes darting between the three. He was a mess, shaking like a leaf in the wind. 

Levi scoffed. He could never stand the boy and now he hated him. He was the reason you were stuck in bed. And if you could speak, you’d scold him and tell him otherwise. 

Levi pressed a hand to his head in annoyance, eyes darkening. Glimpses of the past assaulted him without warning. The blood that has covered your uniform frightened him, he couldn’t tell if it was yours. Mikkal held you tight in his arms, sobbing. And you weren’t moving, Levi couldn’t even tell if you were breathing. Then the pictures faded as if they had never been there. 

Without warning he rose from his seat, ignoring Erwin’s watchful gaze. Cleaning his plate off into the trash, he left and made his way back into his office. 

He closed the door, hand resting against it as he glared at his desk. The paperwork had only piled up. It was neat but unsightly. It was time for him to get back to work. 

Levi worked for hours without so much as taking a break aside from using the bathroom. He was too focused, he needed to focus. Anything to keep his mind off of you. But it was incredibly hard, especially when his door opened. He hadn’t heard the soft knock nor did he bother to look up. 

A tea cup landed on his desk unlike the one you had gifted him. This one was plain, not the one he had cracked under the force of his fingers. 

“I thought you might need it.” 

His mind played tricks on him now. He could here the sweetness of your voice laced with concern. Cool grey eyes landed on the blonde haired woman. It wasn’t you as he expected as he hoped it would be. It was Petra. Her brown eyes stared at him in worry. 

He stared at her in silence before returning his attention back to the paperwork before him. His hand tightened on the pen in his hand as he continued to scribble along the lines of the form. 

“Cap-“ 

“Get out.” His words were harsh, harsher than he intended and the young woman flinched. 

“Understood.” Her words were soft, muttered as she turned and left, shutting the door behind her.

He moved faster than he expected hand falling to the offensive tea cup and he hurled it across the room. It shattered against the door spilling its contents across the wall and floor. 

Levi fell back into his seat, calmer than before. No one had ever brought him a fresh cup, it had always been you and it would still be you. He’d make himself tea if he wanted it. He wouldn’t let anyone ruin this for him, to replace the memory of you. 

But Petra hadn’t given up, she returned the next day and the day after that. Until they’re were no more tea cups for him to break. The last was yours, delicate and chipped at the lip, the intricate blue design along the edge caught his eye. A frown touched his lips. 

How offensive, distasteful... Petra had gotten her hands on your tea cup. She had entered his office without his permission to take it. But she was smart, he’d give her that. She knew how precious it was, this one wouldn’t end up like the others. 

Instead he had brought the cup to his lips and took a sip. Still he glared at his subordinate, ordered her to leave and went back to his work. 

He wondered how many more days would go by like this. Days where it was Petra bringing him tea instead of you. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. His chest tightened, uncomfortably and he shifted his attention back to his work. As he told himself before, he’d worry about you later. And later had become a longer than anyone expected.


End file.
